Archive for the 'etiquette' Category

Communication skills for programmers

Posted in etiquette, labor, technology on April 5th, 2009
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Its hard to see the big picture when you are working on implementation details and it is no wonder that programmers are often viewed as being out of touch with the organization as a whole. When the developer is deliberating depth-first versus breadth-first for an algorithm they are bound to appear disconnected from the conversation at hand.

Implementation matters. Make no doubt about it. A colleague of mine recently explained his distress at collaborating with a manager who describes software systems in term of food preparation. When the metaphors fail to describe the practical limits of software the manager thinks the programmer is inept. I’ve been there and it is supremely frustrating but I think it is a two way street and both parties need to find common area.

It doesn’t work for the programmer to live in “implementation land” all day long and it doesn’t work for managers to waive off that “implementation stuff” as unimportant jargon. Another missive that hits this point for programmers comes by way of Neil Mcallister’s article. Here are some practical suggestions for programmers to break the mode a bit:

  1. Set a reminder in the morning and afternoon to stop and put your head up. By this I mean to make sure that you create a pause in your work to contemplate what may be going on around you. Rather than waiting for someone to shadow your doorstep maybe you notice a colleague has a pressing deadline (not code related) where you can lend expertise. Get into the rhythm of the workplace.
  2. In meetings with colleagues and managers begin by making a clear statement of the issue and solution. Don’t start discussions centered on implementation. This is an opportunity to affirm that everyone agrees on what is being done.
  3. Ask a trusted colleague for feedback about your “presence” in the organization. Are you viewed as engaged or reactive? Ask for constructive ideas to improve your communication of technical concepts. You may be surprised what comes of it.

Other suggestions and ideas here are most welcome in the comments.

Declarations of two kinds

Posted in etiquette, public spaces on July 5th, 2008

Charlottesville had the privilege of hosting President Bush to speak at Monticello for the annual naturalization ceremony on July 4th. Our community made the news regrettably because a handful of people felt that their vocal disagreement with policies unrelated to naturalization deserved attention.

The whole matter is unfortunate. If prodded I’ll gladly detail where my politics differ from this (or any, for that matter) President but there is no point of disagreement that runs so deep that I would distract from another person’s event. I wonder if these hecklers would do the same thing at a wedding or funeral.

On another note — I’ve always found the American celebration of the signing of the Declaration of Independence to be fascinating. Most nations celebrate the date of final victory, but we celebrate the act of declaring. If we hold the truths to be self evident, we also hold in high esteem the power of words to enact destiny. Could there be anything more American than that?

I’ll take the raw optimism of those protesters in 1776 over the raw emotion of today’s protesters any day.

What should you give?

Posted in etiquette, faith on December 28th, 2006

A delightful NY Times article delves into the moral implications of wealth and poverty and puts into clear relief how we have a moral imperative to serve others who are less fortunate. It has been years since I’ve read a good Kantian viewpoint and this article may well be one of the best I’ve seen.

Punctuation is the new cursive

Posted in etiquette, technology on December 15th, 2006

David Pogue recently wrote an excellent critique about the lack of civility in digital communications, but an ancillary thought has begun to percolate with me. The fifteen year-old’s uncivil response — the object of much hand wringing — is noted by Pogue and many readers for his scatter shot use of punctuation and poor grasp of grammar.

Before I throw stones in a glass house I’ll volunteer that I stumble in this area as well. My only defense is that I try to improve my writing.

Consider for the moment the last time you witnessed cursive print. Odds are that it was penned by someone in the elder generation. I don’t know how it is being lost, but you would be hard pressed to find many people under thirty who can write in cursive.

My disturbing hypothesis is that punctuation — those extra characters which slow down the IM and BlackBerry user — may well go to the same dustbin as cursive. For a period of time we elders will wag fingers or tisk away, but gradually the written language will evolve.

i dont know how ill relate to them

Freedom of speech at Ball State Universtiy

Posted in etiquette, social science on November 10th, 2006

I’m saddened to learn about the behavior of students at my alma mater who disrupted a speech by David Horowitz. I’m no fan of Mr. Horowitz and his crowd of Marxists who slid into neo-conservativism, but I’m aghast at the behavior of people who can’t issue an intellectual disagreement.

It’s terribly ironic given that the speaker’s premise is that freedom of expression is constrained by leftist ideology in universities. I disagree with his thesis, but the people who attempt to suppress his right to speak about it do us all a disservice. Horowitz agrees in a sense:

Yet three years later, the issues that I raised — the lack of intellectual diversity on campuses and the intrusion of political agendas into the curriculum — have become topics of discussion at colleges throughout the country. This July, moreover, Temple University became the first institution to adopt a student bill of rights as a response to my challenge.

How did this happen? Oddly enough, no small part of my success can be attributed to my opponents’ tactics.

Why I’m a Rotarian

Posted in etiquette, labor on June 14th, 2006

After two years of membership in the Charlottesville Rotary Club I’m compelled to reflect on the personal and social importance of civic organizations. The theme of Rotary is “service above self” and emphasizes philanthropy, ethics and cultural understanding within a framework of business relationships. In an age of Enron scandals we need the values of Rotary instilled in the minds of corporate executives.

I’m not a captain of industry, and at my young age I don’t expect to have many opportunities to influence the culture, but I do believe that a person successfully follows an ethic by forming it well before challenges mount. Fellowship among a group of civic-minded persons is one avenue to building up one’s moral reserve in advance of life’s tests. We all must sometimes choose between mammon and virtue, but the noble path seeks balance and opportunity for service within the framework of industry. I’m reminded of an excellent essay, All Work is Worship, which states:

(from page 9) In short, in a competitive market, there is no way to distinguish the service motive from the profit motive. In practice, no market is perfectly competitive, leaving room for the service motive sometimes to trump the profit motive and vice versa, but generally in too subtle a manner for general economic research to detect the difference. For this reason, Adam Smith’s claim remains convincing: to assume generalized selfish behavior does explain people’s behavior in the market economy satisfactorily. On the other hand, if the economy does include many altruists, we wouldn’t know it to look at them.

The ethic of Rotary never asks me to neglect industry, however it sets an expectation that profit won’t trump all else. Civics — that notion where community matters and individuals are proud to contribute to the common good — is a value worth preserving and, in our present condition, reviving. Without making too overt a pitch, I would be glad to talk with other civic-minded professionals about Rotary membership. Feel free to get in touch with me about it.

Cohousing for Charlottesville

Posted in etiquette, public spaces, virginia on June 6th, 2006

Everything old is new again, or so it would seem. A new trend, called cohousing, aims to build communities with the intent of sharing resources and building a sense of community. In contrast to various made-up neighborhoods with kitsch names (olde pointe, anyone?), these communities aim to bring together people who wish to participate in the raising of children and making of meals. The movement is away from my yard to our yard, and I think it sounds fabulous.

It is like a commune without excessive communalism and you don’t need to change your religion. As it happens, a cohousing community is in the planning stages for Charlottesville. Community and true sprited neighborliness. What a novel concept.

Update (9 June 2006): A Mothering Magazine article features a first hand account of establishing a cohousing community and the benefits conferred. I find it particularly interesting how no developer is involved in the process and the community directs the construction.

Business and government ally on etiquette

Posted in etiquette, media on April 17th, 2006

A Telegraph article reports that the US State Department and Business for Diplomatic Action have partnered together to remedy brash behavior which contributes to negative impressions of Americans abroad. Together they “plan an image make-over by issuing guides for Americans travelling overseas on how to behave.”

Bravo. This marks a change in strategy from past media blitzes and promotional campaigns from on high. The new strategy encourages anyone who travels to become a citizen ambassador. Not only does the new initiative distribute the task, it directs effort where it will produce the most good — personal interaction between Americans and foreigners. The sixteen simple rules of etiquette may well be a boon if the travelers exercise the advice at home as well. The program, for little cost and effort, will at worst simply make us more polite.

In addition to the pamphlet campaign, the industry group will sponsor fellowships in partnership with the Young Arab Leaders. This reminds me of the Rotary Fellowship program, which has been successful in promoting cultural understanding and peace between peoples.

Is UVa a Southern school?

Posted in etiquette, fashion, food & drink, virginia on April 7th, 2006

The University of Virginia is in many respects a Southern institution, but a Cavalier Daily article explores the two sides to the debate.

There is little doubt that on the surface, the University boasts those stereotypical elements of Southern culture — a large proportion of the student body combines the words “you” and “all” to manufacture the quintessential “y’all,” seersucker pants are a positive fashion statement and the Confederacy’s capital, Richmond, is merely 70 miles away. A closer look shows, however, that the “Southernness” of the University has various interpretations by the members of the student body and the faculty.

At issue is also the matter of what constitutes being Southern. In my mind, I see three distinct Southern attributes:

  1. Manners - Southern folk are just plain nice and civil to one another. Young women are called “miss” and a hat tip is still to be found.
  2. Clothing - More gentlemen wear hats in the south, but also bow ties and the clothing is generally more sensible, although the casual trend of the 90s still affects much of the area.
  3. Food - No where else can you find grits, and I would dare say that barbecue isn’t barbecue unless it is in the south.

But, it is Virginia still Southern? Not so much as South Carolina or the deep south, and I would safely write off most of Northern Virginia as yankee territory, but I believe Charlottesville and the University are indeed Southern. And that is a good thing, as I see it.

Advertising, children and purchasing habits

Posted in etiquette, media, public policy on April 5th, 2006

A recent study (original source) reveals that advertising works:

Children who spend more time watching television and movies and playing video games may be more likely to ask their parents for toys, food and drinks they saw in advertisements, according to a study in the April issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, a theme issue on children and the media.

File this under “duh”, as anyone who gives the matter any consideration will conclude that companies wouldn’t spend fortunes on marketing with no return on value. But the study raises a larger ethical issue: Is it right to influence the purchasing habits of children?

Marketers and the apathetic are the only segment not willing to protest advertising to children, but a growing number of parents are joining the opposition as they become weary of seeing their children used as a surrogate nagging device for corporate interests. If this seems like a dramatized explanation, consider the following excerpt from The American Prospect:

The advertising industry itself has funded dozens of studies on children designed to enhance marketing effectiveness. According to Selling to Kids–an industry newsletter, unfortunately, not a watchdog group–Saatchi & Saatchi hired clinical psychologists and cultural anthropologists to record more than 500 hours of interviews and observations of children between the ages of six and 20. Increasingly, such research is taking place in schools: According to USA TODAY, grade schools in Connecticut accepted $5,000 from a company in exchange for permission to interview 10- to 12-year-old students in classrooms after school. The Gepetto Group conducts focus groups and consults with psychologists to help businesses better understand how to market to teens by exploiting their vulnerabilities. “Teens are … an oppositional subculture, interested in shutting out the adult world,” the firm’s chief strategic officer explained in a Selling to Kids interview. “[T]here are enormous opportunities for the marketer who is able to understand both the reality and fantasy of teen life.”

Advertisers have no qualms about pitting child against parent if it means increasing profits. Is there a better way? Fortunately, there is. We can follow the lead of Sweden (and Finland), which prohibits advertising to children under the age of 12. In addition to other family-friendly public policy, they believe that children should be off-limits for advertisers and that parents should maintain autonomy over purchase decisions in the home.

This sounds like an idea where Liberals and Conservatives in America may find common ground, provided that awareness prevails over apathy.

Ambiguity of electronic communication

Posted in etiquette, technology on February 13th, 2006

A Wired News article summarizes the research on the ambiguity of e-mail communication:

According to recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, I’ve only a 50-50 chance of ascertaining the tone of any e-mail message. The study also shows that people think they’ve correctly interpreted the tone of e-mails they receive 90 percent of the time.

The results aren’t surprising, as writing is divested from non-verbal cues that fill in the gaps. Writing is, and always has been, an ambiguous art, but there are practical things to do about the problem. Letter writing (on paper) has employed various techniques to avoid confusion, namely using an apologetic tone and welcoming response. Nothing prevents us from applying the lessons of paper communications to the digital medium. I’ll go further so say that many of the ambiguities would dissipate if this were done.

Unfortunately, the medium is tied closely to the technology and I have some doubts if handheld communication devices, like the Blackberry, gain traction. It would take the wisdom of Solomon and the cryptographic talent of the NSA to decode the meaning of some messages I’ve received from handheld devices. Terse and fragmented prose is the norm, and unfortunately so is confusion.

If the researchers are willing, I would propose two follow up studies:

  1. Ask the senders to transcribe their email from written letters, or first write them with a pen and then keyboard the message. It would be interesting to see if the message retains more fidelity by using tried and true techniques for written communication.
  2. Ask the senders to use a handheld device and again test for fidelity.

As an aside, if anything I’ve written here is ambiguous, by all means use the comment section to alert me.

Much ado about cartoons

Posted in etiquette, faith, media, social science on February 8th, 2006

Much has been said and written about the recent outrage of Muslims over the depiction of the prophet Muhammad in a Dutch newspaper, and the consequent reprint in European newspapers. Embassies have been evacuated, flags have burned and no one seems very happy with one another. We are told that this is a contest between free expression and religious zealotry, but among the hand wringing discussion I observe a historical disconnect where the western world and the 20-40 latitude are talking across purposes.

Put simply, the Muslim community (which means the leadership and its vocal proponents) has a 16th century world view. The west is thoroughly ensconced in the 20th century (I think the 21st is too new to discern any differences) which presumes a lot about state and government function. We are, in fact, so sure about how government and society should be structured that few people think twice about the sense of making the rest of the world in our image. While we have great mastery over the power of sword and jewel, we neglect the mirror too often.

But things seem even worse on the other side. For example, a BBC article reports that an Iranian newspaper is holding a contest for cartoons about the Holocaust. Herein lies the cross-purpose thinking: While westerners see a conflict of expression and religion, vocal Muslims (and opportunists throughout) see a conflict between Islam and Israel. If you can stomach it, a fellow Virginia writer delves into the themes of blasphemy and puts in stark relief the extreme views of those who protest the cartoons. There isn’t much room for ambiguity when a protester’s sign declares, “slay those who insult Islam”.

To put this into context, Europe has a centuries-old culture of ridiculing and lampooning religion, much to the ire of the Vatican. Most reasonable Christians have come to see such behavior as a useful counter balance to the authority of the Church and among the offended, nearly all believe in peaceful resistance to blasphemy. This viewpoint is relatively new in the past few centuries, which leads to the historical disconnect. The friction today could very well be the same as if a 16th century Christian were transported into today’s secular world.

We can’t (and I’ll go further to say we shouldn’t) secularize Muslim countries against their will, and they also can’t apply Sharia to secular society anymore than we can instate Kings and the Holy Roman Empire. However, we can — and should — find ways of getting along. To that end, it was poor taste for the Dutch publisher to commission the illustration and worse judgement for newspapers to reprint them, knowing full well that it would fan the flames of Muslim outrage. Being right about the freedom of expression is immaterial when lives are endangered.

The Christian Science Monitor offers a good summary of newspaper positions on the matter. I find the position espoused by The Guardian to be particularly apt:

The Guardian believes uncompromisingly in freedom of expression, but not in any duty to gratuitously offend. It would be senselessly provocative to reproduce a set of images, of no intrinsic value, which pander to the worst prejudices about Muslims. To directly associate the founder of one of the world’s three great monotheistic religions with terrorist violence - the unmistakable meaning of the most explicit of these cartoons - is wrong, even if the intention was satirical rather than blasphemous.

Can’t we all just get along?

Are wristwatches on the decline?

Posted in etiquette, fashion on January 17th, 2006

JS Online: Is time up for the watch?

The usefulness of wristwatches - once a staple gift at holidays, birthdays and graduations - could be ticking away as young consumers rely more on their arsenal of electronic devices for the correct time. Cellular telephones, MP3 players and iPods all provide the time of day, along with Internet access, cameras, games and an almost endless choice of other bells and whistles.

Proper etiquette still commands that a person doesn’t wear a time piece during social events, but I’m sure that is lost on the digital lifestyle crowd. If wristwatches do go on the decline we stand the chance of losing more than just a snappy-looking way to be punctual. As the quote above describes, time pieces are durable gifts given on special occasions — my daily faire was an engagement gift. Who could imagine commemorating a graduation or birthday with an digital gadget destined for obsolescence?

I personally prefer something a little more timeless, even if only for a generation or two.

On reaching companies by telephone

Posted in etiquette, technology on November 25th, 2005

Some kind souls have put together a cheat sheet of direct phone extensions to reach humans at various corporations. This will be most helpful for certain occasions where personal help is needed, but I have a prediction:

Call volume will increase because people like to reach someone accountable to give personal help. Also, some people will be too lazy to try self-help methods, such as voice systems and web sites, but I think the majority will fall into the former category. Companies will notice the increase of calls and eventually notice that their byzantine phone maze has been subverted, at which point they will reconfigure the phone system or send threatening letters to web sites for publishing useful information.

Maybe one or two companies will consider that offering useful personal assistance is a competitive edge, but they will be the minority. It seems like a lost opportunity for the majority, but for now I will enjoy the benefit of streamlining my communications.

Update (15 Feb ‘06): The URL has been updated and it looks like the original will go away at some point.

Americans are becoming more rude

Posted in etiquette on October 14th, 2005

A CNN article summarizes an AP poll which came to the unsurprising conclusion that Americans are becoming more rude. To quote:

A slippage in manners is obvious to many Americans. Nearly 70 percent questioned in an Associated Press-Ipsos poll said people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago. The trend is noticed in large and small places alike, although more urban people — 74 percent — report bad manners, then do people in rural areas, 67 percent.

These things take time to reverse, but I hold out hope that the culture of entitlement will give way to one of social consciousness.

Fashion and funerals

Posted in etiquette, fashion on September 16th, 2005

The recent funeral for Chief Justice William Rehnquist raises issues for all manner of comentary on the passing of a legal scholar and public servant, but for a moment I want to consider the sensibilities of how the nation mourns the passing of the Justice. The Associate Press photo below, showing the public in line for the funeral, alarmed me:

Shorts, jeans and t-shirts abound where not so long ago one would expect to see dark suits and a modicum of humility. I’m reminded of the opening missive of the Etiquette Grrls site which reads:

Somewhere, Someone is Wearing a Tube Top in Church.

At a Funeral.

Cell ‘phones are ringing in Classrooms, Theatres, and Libraries. White Sandals are being worn in the Dead of Winter on the Streets of New York. With Stockings. A girl is staggering under the weight of an Air Conditioner, on a 90-degree day, as a nearby boy watches with interest, idly enjoying a Cold Beverage. Young people are Swing-Dancing in Khakis. Chocolate is running around in “Martinis.” And everywhere, the Elderly, the Infirm, and the Pregnant are standing up on trains.

We are Appalled. Something has to be done.

Lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table

Posted in etiquette on September 12th, 2005

NPR recently revived interest in George Washington’s Rules of Civility, which he translated from French as a youth. They are quaint, but speak to an age when manner and moral held closer kinship than today.

On avoiding contact

Posted in etiquette, technology on August 18th, 2005

Elliotte Rusty Harold has issued a plea for web site maintainers to make email addresses, or some form of contact, available on web sites:

As I read more and more blogs on a variety of subjects, (and not just blogs but other sites too) there is one consistent mistake I keep seeing again and again and it’s becoming more common: lack of e-mail addresses. This is killing so many sites, and they don’t even know it.

I couldn’t agree more. As it happens, I checked my contact form and found that it wasn’t working, but it is back up.

I would like to add to Elliott’s rant a bit about my own peeve: Businesses that avoid answering phones. When I call a business and I’m routed through all manner of phone prompts I can’t help but get the feeling that they would prefer that I give up and stop bothering them. One reason I chose my auto insurance company was because they delighted me with surprise when a human being answered the phone. The phone is usually my last resort, having done fair diligence with a web site and other research, but when I make a phone call I like to think that it isn’t an imposition.

Update: (9/21/05) A helpful site lists phone numbers for various companies and tips to reach human beings on the other end of the line.

Panic ensues in rush for cheap laptops

Posted in etiquette on August 16th, 2005

There is a thin line between civilization and savagery, as evidenced by a mob scene today in Richmond over the sale of some cheap Apple computers. From the article:

A rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over.

I knew about this event well in advance, because of membership on the UVA-MESS listserv, but I thought better of it. Thank goodness. It is scary how these things happen. Someone in attendance produced an online photo gallery of the 2 minute stampede.

Sad. Just plain sad.

The cult of self-esteem

Posted in etiquette, faith on August 7th, 2005

Narcissism Goes to Church

Modern American Christianity is filled with the spirit of narcissism. We are in love with ourselves and evaluate churches, ministers and truth-claims based upon how they make us feel about ourselves. If the church makes me feel wanted, it is a good church. If the minister makes me feel good about myself, he is a terrific guy. If the proffered truth supports my self-esteem, it is, thereby, verified.

I couldn’t have said it better, but I believe the current preoccupation with self-esteem goes beyond affects in religion. I’m reminded of a recent story where teachers are urged not to use red ink because it is damaging to a student’s self-esteem. Ludicrous examples may be a straw man, but what the most troublesome aspect to me is the uncritical acceptance of the belief that higher self-esteem leads to other positive outcomes. While an upbeat outlook and good mood seem to reinforce good habits, I have serious doubts that building up one’s self image displaces bad habits or creates new good habits.

After all, that is what maturity is all about. Good habits are built from practice and, in the beginning, a bit of well intended coercion. Some correction and discipline comes with instruction, and I also suspect some bruising of the ego. Good self-esteem comes from internalizing those good habits, not being let off easy. I’ll readily confess to harboring some bad habits in case it appears that I’m casting stones.

Christina Hoff Sommers and Sally Satel, the authors of One Nation Under Therapy summarized this point nicely in a Spiked essay:

Young people are not helped by being wrapped in cotton wool and deprived of the vigorous pastimes and intellectual challenges they need for healthy development. Nor are they improved when educators, obsessed with the mission of boosting children’s self-esteem, tell them how ‘wonderful’ they are. A growing body of research suggests there is, in fact, no connection between high self-esteem and achievement, kindness, or good personal relationships. On the other hand, unmerited self-esteem is known to be associated with antisocial behaviour - even criminality.

I’m not an expert on education or religious order, but my gut instinct tells me that an honest complement builds good will and that flattery helps no one. To bring this back to the initial topic of faith, I’m reminded of a proverb from Ecclesiastes 7:5 which says, “It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools”